July 2, 2013, 11:53 am. When you think you know what to expect or how to deal with them, they change the rules, seemingly arbitrarily. Its rude for an adult to behave that way towards another adult, and its downright hurtful to do it to your child. Thats true, I had that thought that maybe the mom and daughters perspective on assignments was skewed. Neither father or daughter should make disparaging remarks about the other and you shouldnt make disparaging remarks about your husband. And to be 10, 11, 12, 13 and know that my sheer presence could make my dad so happy? So, tell your husband to make an effort with her rather than making her feel like shit about her choices. Its a really nice time to shoot the shit and get your head clear fishing can be very enjoyable, plus you have a free meal at the end of it! In reality, I think its probably somewhere between the two extremes and I think the LW has a chance to strengthen her bond with her husband and the bond between child and dad. He needs to learn to be a bit more respectful of his daughters choices and to compromise which would be modeling good behavior for his child to learn. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. And with Netflix and Hulu and all that jazz, getting all caught up on Buffy and Firefly and Star Trek and other shows that are ancient history with most of todays teens, is not all that hard. You dont have to be your daughters fellow geek and her best friend to have a good relationship. So, yes, encourage your daughter to take an interest what your husband likes. But he always treated me like an adult and respected and loved me and I think he had a huge hand in making me a pretty confident 24 year old woman and I know what I want and deserve from boyfriends. It sounds like this dad is a bit of a jerk, who when he introduces something and she isnt into it makes fun of her. Lily in NYC He did research and found these beautiful Gotz dolls for my sister and I. Most of them are women. WWS, and YOU need to stop pulling away from your husband, because he doesnt have the same interests as your daughter. Tell you husband to ease up a little bit. I agree, of course people can be smart and informed and still like other stuff too. Good musicals can be complex and beautiful and again, deal with some pretty mature themes. I think This Old House was all overbut only we know Miss Judy. However, he also needs to learn to compromise. No. So theres no harm in him humoring her while it lasts (& for gods sake, letting her play a couple One Direction songs or whatever in the car). And, yes, you ARE being greedy, because as much as your daughter may genuinely enjoy your time together pursuing interests you both share, she is missing out on a relationship with her dad and all the things he can teach her through his interests. When I got to college and met all these kids whod been exposed to more high-brow stuff than I had, I definitely felt like I had to play catch-up to at least even have an opinion on this stuff. Visitation Pick Up/drop off issueEx-husband Moved 45 Minutes Away But he let them happen, and would use them to talk to me about other books or stories that would expand my horizon. One thing that works is to invite a friend along because then she looks forward to the activity and has fun and at the same time she is still interacting with parents. I know that we all love the music from our generation. You dont always get to do the things you want and sometimes have to compromise. Usually, yes your car insurance coverage should extend to anyone else driving your car. lets_be_honest FWIW, I didnt get that vibe either, Fabelle. When Spouses Disagree About Parenting - Positive Parenting If he can target things toward what she might like, then shell probably be more receptive. Well, it made me sad that he didnt want to hear all about The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks when I read that. Hes embarrassing her. Awesome show full of information. He said he wasnt hungry and why would I think hed want to eat after a rotten day? July 2, 2013, 12:07 pm. Okay, maybe I wouldnt want my 12 to read that) they could go to a history museum that has exhibits about the War of the Tudors that partially inspired the novels. All of these are better that watching the Kardashians find new ways to make money or reading magazines that criticize stars beach bodies. Im guessing the teen might be into the more recent iterations of Star Trek, the latest movies to come out of that franchise. What would be the point of responding to him when he would not be the one reading it? Same thing with intellectual or cultural topics. I would call that well-rounded. 1. I mean freak out and force your kid to read something if they cant, not if you dont like that they choose to read Harry Potter in their free time. I mean, you cant FORCE a kid to like camping. That means theres a common ground there, even if its the size of a postage stamp. How about trying to find an interest that all 3 of you could enjoy together? Sure, he dragged me out on hikes that I hated, and I was a brat and pain during many of them. I hated sitting through long sports games. Hes not interested in that because that would require work and compromise on his part. I went to on a three week roadtrip with her last spring (LA to New Orleans) a year ago in January And then we went to Bali for two weeks. My dad got me into the Beatles and Hendrix, so I hear that! . for making her suffer through these things she finds boring, but the resentment will be short-term and the benefits will last much longer. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. The fact that you cant appreciate the beauty of T-Swifts prose is mildly concerning. LW, you and your husband are a team. I loved how proud and impressed he was when I got the answer right, or parroted back some of his trivia. When my family went on vacations as a kid, I didnt get a say in where we went. I dont care that much about baseball, but my dad is a fanatic so I played catch with him in the backyard and had fun because we were spending time together. I experienced an adolescence where most of my interests were labeled garbage and where I was told my lack of interest in playing sports was a character flaw that would doom me to failure as an adult. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Wendy, I too got the us against him mentality from this LW. Jake O'Kane: Is the DUP really going to sink the Assembly and reject the Windsor Framework? I hope that you can in the process of all this also try to strengthen your marriage, because when your daughter gets new interests in two years or doesnt want to hang out with her parents or even when she moves out of the house, your husband is going to be the one who youre left with. I think most people worry about their daughters if they arent active enough and lay around watching tv or reading too much. AITA for saying my husband's ex is interfering? : r/AmItheAsshole If your daughter has seen how much pain and suffering can come from being in an unhappy marriage, she may not want to put herself through the same thing later on down the road. My plan is to lock mine in the basement and bribe her into going to a local college. I planned everything exactly the way he liked and it went down just like I thought it would. They gave me a mixtape with a whole bunch of different Beatles on it, and I am still a huge Beatles fan to this day. It took me a long time to get into a relationship; I wanted to find someone. If youre respectful and kind to each other, theyll be more likely to follow suit. Every time I try to get ahead of the game, I feel like the rug is pulled out. How dare she share her own interests. It is just another thought though really, because going back and reading it again she includes herself in everything her husband gets mad at. LW, I think encouraging your daughter to spend time with her dad is so important. I just wonder if there is an approach I have not considered. He broadened my view of the world, showed me things that I wouldnt have seen without him. To care for our two young kids. Ive always found board games to be boring and so does my daughter. Some people say yes, a parent should love their child more than their spouse. Finally, try to model the behavior you want to see from your husband and daughter. I must just not be seeing things clearly. I hated, and still do, all of those things. My inner fan girl is all riled up now =). July 2, 2013, 4:12 pm, See, I think that is horrible of your stepfather. Yeah, unless you get something you cant do like spell backwards while jumping on one foot, then it just sucks, and you feel stupid. What to Do When Your Ex Undermines Your Authority Im also coming from a place where I 100% agree with Wendy that her interests could also change next month or next year so its more about tone/approach/attitude than actual activities. lets_be_honest If not, don't let this spoil your friendship and do what you can to keep her busy with other things so that she has less time to focus on this guy. Hopefully she'll see the sense in this and be able to move on. Someone gets one out and I want to vomit. Another possibility is that her husband doesnt understand how to connect with his daughter on an emotional level. Then ice cream after. They have their own part to play in the healing of the relationship. lets_be_honest If he hadnt put in the time when I was a kid, I doubt wed have that relationship. We watched Eureka last year and our daughter loved it and talked about it with her friends. Did I fight with my dad as a teenager? Isolation One of the most common tricks of a mentally abusive partner is to isolate their victims from the rest of the world. Dream! Ask the GP: Could taking statins affect your dreams? And in the end its the time together, more than what youre actually doing, that makes the difference. No. I always hated fishing growing up, but it meant that I got to spend time with my dad, so I went. But the most consistent and deep internal driver is the terror of being controlled. Intelligent people can like these things but does that mean that a father should promote them? Heck yeah. bittergaymark My sister and I grew up reading scifi and fantasy. The point here is that Mom seems to allow her to only have interest in those things, which is bad. I just have to say, I have NEVER felt comfortable choosing what to watch on tv if Im in the same room as my dad because I know he thinks 95% of what Id want to watch is annoying. Adult Children Living at Home Driving You Crazy - Empowering Parents Manchester United bidders move to the next stage of takeover process', Remo Freuler admits Everton's visit is biggest game of season for Forest. How many parents have to watch a certain movie a million times or have to listen to a certain band on repeat. That sounds awful, Im, so sorry. July 2, 2013, 12:43 pm, Shes 12 at what age are you supposed to be more able to enjoy mindless pop culture!?! Dad used people for his own good. July 2, 2013, 12:00 pm, Haha, I know your story honey, and am very jealous of your mom. He likes baseball, but he doesnt want to go to games, he likes golf, but he doesnt ever go, he likes history, but he doesnt really like books, hell watch something about the JFK assassination if its on the history channel but cant be bothered to pop in a DVDgift giving, really, is impossible, as is spending time with him that doesnt involve eating. First and foremost, of course, is the safety of your children. We were so thrilled. Im breaking out in hives. Hes trying to be a parent to her and teach her what he thinks is important for her to know, while I am trying to encourage her to develop her own interests and do what she loves. As time went by, your belief that you had any influence at all was fading. However you come about discovering a new way to be together, it is better to take a chance of doing something different than to let layers of disappointment bury the love you once held sacred. lets_be_honest No we're not on speaking terms after he decided to sell his grandmother's home (my wife's mother) instead of keeping it. Most of which are tucked away out of sight. I wanted nothing to do with my dad for a long time. The dad needs to get over his superiority complex and then the daughter might stop pulling away. She played Meribor (spelling.) And then it was like ok, you dont have to do that (not that I ever DID have to, I wanted to go, and then discovered it sucked). July 2, 2013, 11:40 am. You didnt cause the problem, and you cant fix it. A good game will bring out the competitiveness in everyone. It will also probably be more effective if you can get your children to stand alongside you, at least during the initial intervention and I realise that will be hard. Ross was telling me the other day that his dad took him deep sea fishing a couple times when he was younger. I said that she is acting like she has nothing in common with her husband anymore, because she likes the samethings as her daughter, and that is all she ever talks about. July 2, 2013, 1:27 pm. Oh and shes also going hiking with her dad this weekend because I told her to suck it up and get her ass in gear and tell her dad she wants to go, oh and shes also taking spinning classes with him this fall because her size 0 ass isnt gonna last forever with the way she eats spaghetti since she shares my DNA. We all died laughing. Its no crime to roll your eyes at Buffy. Mythbusters and other shows have done a number of episodes on sci-fi meet reality, too. (And those are two things I didnt care for as a kid that I really like now.) Surely, they can find a few places where their interests overlap a little bit. So, here is the thing. Its great that the LW naturally shares so much with her daughter, but the girl needs to spend time with her father as well, even if it doesnt seem like the most interesting thing at the time. After all, they are two different people with two different perspectives. July 2, 2013, 1:32 pm. Hold on there, NKOTB are STILL awesome! 2 weeks later his wife tried killing him, leaving him in the hospital for 3 months. Discuss that there are other things to talk about sure. (Though I do try to find the stuff I like the best of the stuff he likes.) Anytime someone starts a comment with an um, I dont bother reading it because its bound to be condescending. I reminded him that he likes sex better in the morning and he called me frigid and slept on the couch. My personal relationship with my dad was almost non-existent when I was a tween/early teen, except for those forced family moments. So now our oldest daughter is 16 and . I notice myself not racing to pick up my daughter from. No. My dad had a This Old House sweatshirt even! He wasnt invested in making mini-hims at all, and I am so grateful for my dad. And some of that happens by making fun of your child. They actually like this stuff! So it was this wonderful little springboard into history for them. Have you read Tumblr recently? Yes! On the other hand it takes work for my mom and I to have things to bond over most of our conversations revolve around cooking (her passion that my sister did not pick up) and our dogs (unfortunately our dogs dont get along but we still trade dog stories all day). Asshole My son had his wedding days ago. But yes, to all of it. If he feels like thats going to impede their time together, then fine, youre off the hook. Her husband could be one of those people. lets_be_honest Yeah, ditching a piano recital where the child is performing a talent or whatever is different from rolling your eyes at a TV show they like. Additionally, she may worry that a new man in your life will try to take his place and replace him entirely. Theyre a great way to get people who dont necessarily share a lot of common interests involved. but this might be the best Ive ever read here. He came home four hours later. That made me feel really loved and gave me a sense of confidence that is so, so important in a young girl (well, anyone, really). Then Id tell you to keep pushing for her to spend time with you. Twin Flame & Soul Mate Guide, 22 Things You Should Know in Dating Latino Men: What To Expect, Dating Canadian Men: 22 Things You Should Know & What To Expect, Dating Australian Men: 22 Things You Should Know & What To Expect, Dating American Men: 22 Things You Should Know & What To Expect. Will he ever change? Placing a child in the position of having to be loyal to one parent at the expense of the other parent is heinous and very damaging to the child. July 2, 2013, 11:06 am.
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